Rediscovering our true identity as God’s children so we can guide our own
Becoming a parent alters our identity. None of us come out the other side the same. You think of yourself differently, others see you differently — you have gained a new title. For some of us, our names seem to be erased entirely (I was once “Laura,” now I’m “Nico’s Mom”). In the midst of all the chaos of parenting, it may be hard to know, who are you really?
Our teenage children are deep in the business of exploring who they are, it’s a natural part of adolescence. To make it through the process of raising kids and guiding them well, we need to be strongly rooted in our own identity in Christ. Let’s explore together how to rediscover who we are amidst parenthood.
You become who you are when you realize whose you are
Our identity, what makes us who we are first and foremost, doesn’t come from our interests — our likes, dislikes, favorite activities, music, movies, sports team, or TV shows. It doesn’t come from our appearance, performance, country of origin, job title, or income bracket. For many of us, how well our kids are doing in any area of their lives can determine how we feel about ourselves, how we see our own worth. It can feel like our role as a parent has swallowed up our identity.
In order to know who you are, you need to know whose we are.* You are God’s. Before you were ever a parent, you were his child. That is who you are.
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God — and that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1
“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12
You know better than anyone what it means to care for a child — but when was the last time you considered what it means to be one? Let’s take a fresh look at how being a child of God shapes and transforms your identity.
What characterizes a child of God?
1. You are loved.
To be a child is to be cared for and loved by a parent. God loves his children. The Bible is overflowing with verses about this.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” John 15:9
“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:4-5
As his beloved child, you can’t do anything to earn more of God’s love and you can’t do anything to lose it. While we may not have been loved by our parents this way, or we may struggle to love our children this way, God’s love for us is perfect.
Imagine how your life would transform if in every circumstance, every interaction, every difficulty, you remembered you were perfectly loved without limits.
2. You depend on God for everything.
One of the most frustrating characteristics of children may be their total and utter dependence. Whether we remember or admit it, we, too, depend fully on God — for life, forgiveness, security, hope, and peace.
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
Our identity is not “someone who can do it all,” but someone who trusts and relies on a good Father. We respond with gratitude and make it a practice to lean on him for everything going forward.
3. You are part of God’s family.
Being part of a family means having people you can count on — people bound to you by ties that cannot be broken. With them, you always have a home and a place where you belong. You are cared for, supported, and provided for, sharing in the blessings and resources of that family.
“Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household.” Ephesians 2:19
As members of God’s family, we can rest in the assurance that we are never alone. We live with confidence, knowing there is a community upholding us. We don’t need to chase approval or strive for status and security, because we already belong to a family that loves us. While not every church community models this perfectly, I hope each of us finds a faith family that loves in this way.
4. You participate in God’s way of life.
My family has a strong family culture. There are movies we quote, games we play, and traditions we embrace. There are things we love to talk about and things we avoid doing or discussing.
We follow the traditions and lifestyle of our family. In the best of circumstances, we align our choices and lifestyle with our family culture.
Our identity as children of God is of those who live like God, who share in his family culture.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12
“He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.” 2 Timothy 1:9
This family culture helps us form the details of our identity. We know whose we are, we are dearly loved and part of a family, and that family has a way of living to which we ascribe. We practice forgiveness, we extend grace, we trust in God and hope in his promises, we love our friends and our enemies, we share his good news with our lives and our words. This is who we are.
How can we help our children understand their identity in Christ?
What is true for you is true for them, and the best person to tell them is you. Research shows parents are the #1 influence on their kids’ faith — even teenagers.**
Here are a few steps (drawing from Sticky Faith) you can take to help your kids form their identity in Christ:
1. Tell them how God feels about them
We don’t want to solely rely on external places or partners (church, Young Life, other mentors) to tell our kids about Jesus — your words matter most. This starts with you knowing first how he feels about you.
2. Help them understand the whole gospel
Show them faith touches every part of life, not just Sundays. This will nourish the seed of faith planted in them, so it is less likely to blow away. Are you spending time learning this for yourself?
3. Create a safe place for questions and doubt
Young people are looking for dialogue about their toughest questions, not just answers. If they can’t bring their doubts to you, they may not bring them up at all.
In the whirlwind of parenting, remember this: your identity is secure in Christ. When you live from that identity, you can confidently guide your children toward the same truth.
*Thank you to my pastor and friend, Tim Soots, for these words of wisdom.
