Mentoring opportunities are on the rise — with more and more people seeking a mentor who can not just help them succeed in the workplace, but live a better life. Mentors have “gone before” — and the right one has the wisdom and experience that can save you time, headaches, energy, and effort.
But how do you get a mentor? And why do you need a mentor? And, what if just ONE mentor isn’t the answer, but having a few mentors to help you on the way is easier than you think?
The 4 mentors everyone needs
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I don’t know if there are 10 more intimidating words or a more stress-inducing question. It just seems to make so many assumptions.
- It assumes that you don’t know already.
- It assumes that you should have an answer.
- It assumes that you’re not grown-up — otherwise the question wouldn’t have been needed.
More poignantly, the question reveals that God’s ultimate design for men and women is never over. We are always evolving, maturing, transforming and “becoming.” Bottom line — we never fully arrive. It is one of the “perks” of a life of faith and evidence of the existence of God. We are constantly being formed. One assumption that seems reasonable is that it would behoove us to have an answer as to the general direction and destination of our lives. Answering that question may take a lifetime. That’s why Scripture is “thick” with “becoming” language.
- Paul writes about being “set apart” and becoming an apostle in Romans 1.
- Acts 2 addresses the transformation that happens when a body of believers becomes a community focused on mission.
- John 15 highlights the discipline of pruning and the fruit that becomes evident in an abiding relationship with Christ.
Truly, Discipleship (Disciple-making) is more verb than noun, and as Young LIfe volunteers have been fond to say over the years: “God loves you just the way you are but he is not willing to leave you there.” Basically, faith is a journey.
As I’ve grown in my own awareness of blind spots, shortcomings, and gaps, I have been struck by the deep need for strong voices to speak God’s truth into my life. I’ve always known that it takes a community of adults to reach a community of adolescents, but only recently realized it takes a village to raise a Young Life staff person. The topic of mentorship has enjoyed a revival recently because of the keenly felt desire to identify a person or group of people who advise and walk alongside you through life.
Last year I decided to pursue a team of FOUR mentors — I am sure I need dozens, but I felt like four was both ambitious and attainable. All four focus on distinct areas of my life and development.
- A PASTORAL MENTOR – This is a person who speaks directly into my interior life and life of faith. They are a safe place to share areas of celebration, lament and doubt without judgement. I have given them the ability to help discern my next chapter of faith. They …
- A PERSONAL MENTOR – This is a person who works with me as a whole person. They know everything. The good, the bad, and the messy. They are aware of my failures and dalliences as well as successes and achievements. They …
- Provide space for laughter, tears, venting, and listening.
- Challenge my fears, concerns, long-held beliefs, and tendencies.
- Prescribe next steps toward life goals, plans, and principles.
- A PROFESSIONAL MENTOR – This person speaks into my specific development around my job, calling, and career. They operate as a coach in developing specific gifts and skills. They …
- Provide input on my professional leadership development.
- Challenge any tendency to play it safe or practice self-protection and seek development opportunities.
- Prescribe exercises for skill development, formation of leadership philosophy, and self awareness.
- A PUBLISHED MENTOR – This person may be the most fun to identify. They are a writer or author (living/dead) that at their best, causes you to think outside the friendly confines of your own mind. This is your chance to ask C.S. Lewis, St. Augustine, or Brother Lawrence to mentor you. Come on! They …
- Provide a different point of view and broaden your perspective.
- Challenge your long-held beliefs and stances and disrupt your thinking.
- Prescribe a change in posture – help you ask questions, listen better, and seek to understand.
Here are some tangible steps to help you implement the concept of having four mentors:
- Identify Potential Mentors:
- Reflect on Your Needs: Consider the areas where you’d like guidance (spiritual, personal, professional).
- Look Within Your Network: Think about people you already know who might fit the roles (pastors, friends, colleagues, authors).
- Expand Your Search: If needed, seek out individuals in your community, professional organizations, or online platforms.
- Initiate the Relationship:
- Reach Out: Contact the potential mentors and express your interest in their guidance.
- Be Clear About Your Goals: Explain what you hope to gain from the mentorship relationship.
- Set Expectations: Discuss the frequency of meetings, communication methods, and any other logistical details.
- Nurture the Mentorship:
- Prepare for Meetings: Come with questions, reflections, or updates on your progress.
- Be Open to Feedback: Listen actively and be receptive to constructive criticism.
- Show Appreciation: Express gratitude for their time and guidance.
- Implement the Guidance:
- Reflect on Their Advice: Take time to consider their suggestions and insights.
- Take Action: Apply their guidance to your life and work.
- Seek Clarification: If unsure, ask for further explanation or examples.
- Review and Adjust:
- Evaluate the Relationship: Regularly assess the value of the mentorship.
- Make Adjustments: If needed, change the frequency of meetings or discuss new goals.
- Be Open to Ending: If the relationship is no longer beneficial, thank them and move on.
- Remember:
- Be Patient: Building strong mentorship relationships takes time and effort.
- Be Proactive: Take the initiative to schedule meetings and follow up on their advice.
- Be Grateful: Acknowledge their contribution to your growth and development.
- Tangible Examples of Action Steps:
- Pastoral Mentor: Schedule a monthly coffee chat to discuss spiritual growth and challenges.
- Personal Mentor: Set a quarterly lunch date to share life updates and seek guidance on personal goals.
- Professional Mentor: Ask for a 30-minute meeting every other month to discuss career development and receive feedback.
- Published Mentor: Choose a book by your chosen author and commit to reading and reflecting on it regularly.
By taking these tangible steps, you can actively cultivate meaningful mentorship relationships that support your ongoing growth and development in all areas of your life. Remember, the journey of “becoming” is a lifelong process, and having mentors to guide you along the way can make all the difference.
It’s just that simple. Four voices for one person — YOU! They provide space, challenge the status quo, and prescribe next steps. These are the people that carry weight in your life. To be clear,
- it can be one person in each category or a group;
- They can be female or male or, preferably, both;
- They can serve in this role for a season or a lifetime.
If we are going to continue to “become” as we grow up — we need them! “My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you.” — Galatians 4:19
*A DISCLAIMER: You may have a better system, this has just tended to work for me. It didn’t come from a book or manual but more from my own observations by looking in the mirror. If you try it- let ME know how it goes.
